When joint custody has been awarded, you will probably have concerns over the ability of your former partner looking after the child. However, it is in the best interest of your tiny tot not to make it acrimonious. Put the welfare of your child above everything else and give co-parenting a chance. Here are a few co-parenting tips to overcome the challenges, enable a good working relationship with your ex, and help your child thrive.
Co-Parenting Tips #1: Do What You Can
Don’t waste too much time pondering over what your ex can or cannot do. You would better want to perform your part well while keeping the interests of your child a top priority. Recognize the fact that the child needs love and affection from both parents and that she does not deserve to suffer due to your divorce. So, if you get the joint custody of your child, do not despair, but accept co-parenting as the best choice for your little one.
You would want to perform your duty well to provide your kid with the best resources and stability in life. Bury your past experiences with your ex as far as the joint custody of your child is concerned. Establish a good working relationship with your ex and stick to rules, discipline, and schedules.
Co-Parenting Tips #2: Commit To Cooperate
No, you do not need to compromise with your ex or become friends again with them, but you must cooperate with them in your child’s best interest. Forget the past bitterness and think of your child. Effective co-parenting thrives only on one objective – your commitment toward your child.
Live in the present and do not hesitate to communicate with your former spouse when anything related to child’s joint custody is concerned. Never let your child be affected by time or money constraints arising out of lack of cooperation between you and your ex.
Co-Parenting Tips #3: Forgo Feelings, Past Acrimony
When joint custody has been awarded, it is important to ignore any feelings of anger, resentment, or hurt. Of course, you are required to cooperate with your ex as far as your child’s best interests are concerned.
Some people think that co-parenting is merely meant to assuage their feelings, but the fact of the matter is that the main purpose here is to offer your child the best possible alternative. Is there anything more important than your child’s happiness?
Don’t allow your past to dictate your child’s present. Studies show that the quality of working relationship between co-parents has a bearing on the emotions of a child. So, make every possible effort to provide your child with stability and secure her happiness and well-being.
Even you may find joint custody displeasing and stressful, especially when you continue to carry the past feelings. Let go off your feelings of bitterness and move ahead to overcome the challenges of co-parenting.
Co-Parenting Tips #4: Replace Personal Ties With Working Relationship
You have a painful past with your ex and it is impossible to forget it immediately. But, will you let it impact your child, who has no role to play in your divorce? Why should he be victimized?
Remember, your kid is a victim of your divorce.
Again, co-parenting does not require you to have any personal ties. What you need is just a working relationship with an open communication channel exclusively focused on the child.
So, what is the best way out?
Suppress built-up emotions and agree to the shared custody of your baby. Your marriage is over, and you are free from any personal liability. But you have a responsibility toward your child and must do everything you can to ensure her wellbeing. Put your child’s best interest forward, and the bitter, acrimonious feelings against your ex will take a backseat.
Co-Parenting Tips #5: Focus on Your Child
Put aside your anger, resentment, and personal differences and stay focused on your kid. Make sure that no disagreement between parents impacts the child, as divorce has already taken a toll on her. Ensure that she is protected by your love from any upheaval in family ties.
Consider your child’s best interests and never allow them to be at stake. Keep your child’s photo with you and do not forget to look at it when the past feelings of hurt seem to be resurfacing. Let her feel secure so that she can thrive in a consistent life pattern and peaceful ambiance promised by peaceful collaboration between parents.
Co-Parenting Tips #6: Don’t Put Your Children in the Middle
Keep your issues with your ex limited to yourself. Never let your feelings bring your child to the fore of confrontation. Research indicates that a disturbed life pattern or a life marked with frequent parental showdown pushes a child toward depression and anxiety. So, make sure that any problem with your former partner must remain confined to you and does not affect your parental duties.
Avoid using kids as messengers, as such a practice makes them a part of the conflict. Better talk to your ex-partner directly and away from the glare of your kids. You can also choose to use email or phone to communicate with your ex and sort out issues rather than arguing with each other in the open. Recognize the fact that your child too is a part of the family of the other parent and the relationship must remain free from your influence.
Co-Parenting Tips #7: Play To Your Ex’s Strengths
Make the best use of your ex-partner’s strengths or talents in assuring the wellbeing of your child. You know your ex better than anyone else. Team up with your ex to find out the best way to maximize contribution toward the child. Support any of their ideas that look promising and beneficial to your child.
This helps co-parenting, as it lays down a solid base for trust and mutual respect and amicable conflict resolution. Keep your communication with your former partner consistent, conflict-free, and purposeful, with the child becoming the focal point. This may help end many disagreements when the child’s interests are at stake.
Co-Parenting Tips #9: Feel the Shared Responsibility
Resolve disagreements with a sense of shared responsibility toward the child. Be open, honest, and straightforward and respect the role of your ex while making decisions about the child. Talk with your former partner like a colleague without leaving any space for ill will.
Restraint and maturity must mark the tone and tenor of your conversation with your ex. It is a good idea to keep conversations kid-focused without delving into each other’s personal life. Give due consideration to your ex’s opinion. Never let your shared financial contribution become a topic of dispute, though you may agree to disagree. Maintain co-parenting consistency with due consideration of rules, legalities, schedules, and visitation rights.
Co-parenting is in your child’s best interest, accept your responsibility, even if you have to cooperate with your ex at times.
Ravneet also blogs at www.wellnessguide.com